It's been a crazy ride around these parts!  Where do I start?

 

We started Alicia on Strattera the day she was diagnosed with ADD.  On Monday the doctor took her off of it.  Her angry outbursts and temper tantrums were so strong, so bad, that I couldn't bear to see it.  She would scream a primal scream, kick things, throw things, sit in the corner and beat the back of her head against the wall.  This was not my Alicia.  It was worst at night, when her medication had worn off.  I talked to the doctor and he agreed that this was not a good thing.  Now we are starting her on Concerta.  I'm a little wary of it because it is a stimulant, but we shall see.  She has to take it in the morning so that it won't interfere with her sleep.  

 

The van has handy sensory lights on the panel that tell me all sorts of things.  Yesterday, the light came on telling me that I had an exterior light out.  Turns out it was a tail light.  Shortly after that light came on, my ABS brakes light came on.  I drove straight from picking all the kids up at school to the repair shop.  While the brakes and tail light were replaced, we walked over and bought Anayla's prom dress.  Then we wandered over to Payless Shoes and got new shoes for Alicia and Reece.  After that we walked over and had Del Taco for dinner.  Finally, I noticed that the shop closed in 10 minutes.  I walked back over and the van was ready.  They had tried to call me, but apparently I didn't get the call. 

 

Tomorrow is Anayla's prom.  She is going with a group of friends instead of a date.  Her dress is so pretty and she looks adorable in it!  I can't wait to see her all done up and take pictures.  I hope she has a good time.

 

This morning was spent with Donna trying on clothes for a couple of tea party/fashion shows that we are going to model in.  It seems that everything she tried on was so cute and everything I tried on was just...not as great.  I did find two outfits for sure and then told the owner of the store to pick the last one between two other choices.  This afternoon I took Anayla back to try on the clothes we had set aside for her.  She is so tiny!!  The dresses looked great on her and I think she'll have a lot of fun.  This is her first time in the fashion show.  Alicia is going to be doing it, too, for the church tea.  I have to get her outfits this week.  I hope she doesn't get too nervous and chicken out.  I'm sure she'll do fine.

 

Today my cousin Teri came to visit.  She lives in Germany and came out here for a two week vacation without husband and without kid.  It was nice to hang out with her.  She went with me to pick Ali up from school, to Costco to get our dinner and to Cindy's Doodads so Anayla could try on her outfits.  Then Mike BBQ'd and we had a great tri-tip dinner and just talked.  It's not often that we get to do that because, well, obviously she's in Germany, but also when she visits she usually has her family with her and they have a tight schedule.  This trip is just unscheduled and relaxed. 

 

Okay.  I've rambled enough.  I think I'm done for the evening.  If you stuck with me through this ridiculous offering, thank you.  If you didn't make it this far I don't blame you, not that you'd know. 

We are getting used to things around here.  With Anayla here full-time I was worried that the kids may have issues, but they really haven't.  Although, the other day, Reece got upset about Anayla telling him what to do, "When is Anayla going home?  She's been here too long already!"  I explained that she is living here now and all he could say was, "Oh."  Monday night, this is what I got from Alicia, "Why do I have to eat vegetarian food?  I'm not the one who's a vegetarian!  Anayla is the vegetarian, not me, and she should be eating that food, not me!"

 

Did I mention that Anayla picked right before moving in to try and be vegetarian for 3 months?  I thought she said 3 weeks and was thinking, 'Whew!  The three weeks are almost over!' but I was horribly, horribly wrong.

 

Don't get me wrong; it's not that I mind a vegetarian lifestyle.  I, myself, like it.  My kids, on the other hand, think that a meal isn't really complete without some sort of meat in it.  It has caused me to try some new recipes because I want to make sure that we are all getting the nutrients that we need.  I told Anayla that she can't get by just by eating rice and veggies.  I made her tofu the other day.  I'm not so sure she liked it.  It was a sorry substitute for the teriyaki chicken the rest of us were eating. I have to admit - teriyaki tofu doesn't sound quite as good.  But, I am learning what works and what doesn't.

 

I guess there's an adjustment period for everything and this is just one of those times.  I'm still happy to have her here, happy that we are a safe and loving place for her to go and that she isn't running away and getting into a bad situation.

I have been really trying to stay on top of the cleaning these last few weeks.  I'm tired of my house being so messy that I'm embarrassed when people show up.  The one thing that made me feel pretty good was when my friend Stephanie came by to drop something off and I wasn't mortified to have her inside.  Good thing, because Alicia invited her in to meet the hamster.

 

Fridays are my crazy cleaning days.  I try to have the house looking good before sundown so that I can relax all Sabbath without feeling antsy because something isn't cleaned.  I got into a HUGE cleaning mood last Friday afternoon.  I cleaned off the bookshelves in the living room and straightened it up.  I decided to dust the china hutch in the entryway and rearranged it.  I cleared off the top of the piano, dusted and purged.  It all looks so much better!!  I even straightened out a couple of the cabinets in the hallway, although I have several more of those to do.

 

Today I was in a cleaning mood again.  I had to disinfect the laundry room first of all because Sheba was, well, leaking fluids before she died.  I cleaned the floors, the washer and the dryer.  Then I decided to clean the van.  This is something I've wanted to do correctly for quite awhile.  Anayla and her friend Aileen helped me take the seats out of the back and then we got started. I vacuumed.  It didn't make much difference.  The girls got busy scrubbing the walls and the windows.  They removed the cup holders and soaked them.  Then I brought out the big guns - the shampooer!!  Alicia had spilled what looked like strawberry milk in the van last year.  I found it all dried and crusted once I started driving after breaking my leg.  This is the first time that I've had enough extra time to clean it right.  I got out the milk.  I got out soda.  I got out regular old dirt.  Oh, the improvement!!

 

Now I'm exhausted.  Tomorrow is another day and more cleaning.  Ugh.

 

I'm changing topics now.

 

We had to put down our 17 year old cat, Sheba.  She was inherited from my mother-in-law and had comforted her during her fight with cancer, lying on her bed and keeping her company for hours.  My father-in-law even set up a little bed for Sheba and their other cat, Perla, whom we lost 3 years ago.  My kids loved Sheba and would, well, basically torture the poor thing for hours, carrying her around and playing with her.  She was so patient with them, especially considering she wasn't feeling well.  We'd been saying to each other the last few weeks, "I don't think Sheba is going to be here more than a few months more."  We didn't realize just how soon we would lose her.

 

She was well enough Friday to jump into the window and sun bathe.  I yelled at her for jumping onto the table and shooed her into the laundry room.  Friday night she went downhill fast.  She was hiding behind the dryer and a couple of times I thought she was already dead.  Saturday morning Mike and I decided that we would have to have her put down.  The vet told him to bring her any time.  Mike wanted to say goodbye to her so I waited until he left for work.  Reece and Khori stayed at home and Alicia went with Sheba and me to the vet's office.  She insisted she wanted to be there for Sheba.   We went into the lovely room where they perform the injection and waited for the vet.  I carefully took Sheba out of the carrier and laid her on the table.  Alicia gave her a kiss and told her she loved her.  I took one last picture of the two of them together.

 

Sheba's eyes were already glazed over and she was starting to decompensate.  When a cat is leaking from both ends (to put it bluntly) it's not a good sign.  The vet came in and Alicia said she didn't want to see the actual injection so she walked over and looked at the specimen jars on display on a shelf.  Once the vet removed the needle, Ali came back over and pet Sheba.  She purred until the very end.  After about three minutes the vet checked her and her heart stopped and she took her last few breaths.  He left us alone for a few minutes and came back with a burial bag.  Alicia cried, but not as badly as I expected her to.  She helped me carry Sheba out to the van in the carrier and we brought her home for the last time.  Mike buried her today.  I think I'll miss that cat.

This is currently being repeated again and again.  "Gimme my dolly!"  I don't think the meds have kicked into her system yet.  Alicia is throwing a fit right now over a doll.  She and Reece have been fighting over this doll all evening long.  If I didn't know better I would think that she was a really large 2 year old.  This is not the case, though.  This is a child with ADD.  Over-reacting to little things.  Intense feelings of rage and anger.  Stating that no one loves her and she isn't a part of the family.  All because I won't give her the doll.  This is a piece of what I go through daily.  She states feelings of self-loathing over things that most kids would just be upset over to the point of a few tears and and an "I don't like you, Mommy!"   Instead, I hear, "You don't love me. You wish I had never been born!!"

 

Seven years old and she's threatening to run away because she never should have been born into the family.  Sometimes I wonder how God figured I had enough strength to handle all of this.   There are days that it feels as if more and more is being heaped upon me.  Do the trials make me stronger?  Am I learning anything from a single one of them?  There have been so many trials lately.  The diagnosis of Alicia and Mike.  Anayla moving in.  Looking into home schooling so that Alicia can get caught up to her grade level.  Often there's not enough money left between paydays.  I've been considering whether I should build my BeautiControl business back up or not.  Should I take the time away from the kids?  Last year I made enough to pay for tuition.  This year I doubt I've sold more than 10 items. 

 

I know I shouldn't let myself get down over things like this.  Don't sweat the small stuff, right?  When do the small things grow into big things?  I think some of the small stuff has become humongous stuff.   A few months ago it was that Alicia was falling a little behind in class.  Now we have a diagnosis of ADD.  I don't know where to start, where to turn.  Not long ago we were almost debt-free, except for our mortgage.  Boy, the difference a year and two broken legs make!  We are actively watching for our income tax return so that we can afford to pay some bills off.  Mike's job isn't nearly as stable as it was last year, now that it isn't county-owned but is owned by Tenet corporation.  He is called off once or twice a week.  Overtime is a fond, dim memory.   The question looms heavy over my head: Should I go back to work?  If I go back, who will watch the kids and how much of my paycheck will be going to another mom, one who doesn't know and love my children anywhere near what I do?  I just can't justify the costs, the emotional costs especially, of me going back to an actual JOB and letting another person care for my kids.  Picking them up from school, asking how their day went, hearing the excited chatter recapping a busy day of learning and social interaction.  I would give up all of my selfish wants - cable, cell phone, internet, new clothes - just so I can have that blessed time with my children - my BABIES - every day.

 

All I have is prayer and my belief that God will carry me through it.  That is enough to suffice.

I realize I haven't been on here much.  I do have good reasons.  Very good reasons.  I'll share some with you now.

 

I have been on a quest to have a clean house.  I mean a really clean house, with all of the rooms clean instead of just the ones that company sees.  I'm getting it there, little by little.  I'm actually quite proud of how well I've been able to keep up on it.

 

I have been on a quest to lose weight, although today is no indicator.  I am using http://sparkpeople.com/ and am even using their meal plans.  I lost 1.4 pounds last week and hope to lose more.  The only thing is that it takes awhile to go through the meal plan and make all of the food accordingly.  I think that knowing I have to do all of that is helping keep me focused.  We shall see.

 

Alicia was officially diagnosed yesterday with ADD.  We went in for yet another appointment with the psychologist and he told us that she definitely has an attentive disorder.  She does not have hyperactivity.  We started her on Strattera last night and she is so good about it!  She reminded me after dinner to give her her medications.  I explained to her yesterday that it was to help her concentrate and stay focused.  Apparently she must want the same thing because she took the medicine very willingly.  It will take 4 to 6 weeks most likely before we notice a difference.

 

Last week my niece Anayla...moved in, I guess.  She's 16 and we love her like she's our own.  She and her dad (my brother) are just not getting along right now.  It's a bit of an adjustment having a teenager here all the time.  She's helpful around the house, which is nice.  I'm trying to teach her how to cook, but I'm not the best teacher.  I'm an excellent cook, but it's hard for someone who has never cooked to follow what I'm doing.  I explained why it's better to use less laundry soap than more (if you use too much it doesn't rinse out of your clothes, causing skin irritation and early wear on your clothing).  I have taught her how to choose oranges (they should feel heavy for their size, indicating that they are juicier), choose cantaloupes (the end where the stem was should be soft) and just how soft an avocado should be.  We're going to set up a chore chart for all three kids because it's a bit hard for me to keep up after EVERYBODY.  It's odd having teenager things concerning me.  I have to make sure of where she's going, who she's talking to on the phone, if her grades are okay.  Odd stuff for the mom of a 7 year old and nearly 5 year old.

 

That, in a nutshell, is what has been going on around here.  Mike and I are just going day-by-day and are getting along great wih each other.   The kids are growing like crazy.  We're all settled into a nice little happy life.  I'll have to update more later.  Right now I'm going to bed.